Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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