dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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