my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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