So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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