did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
