I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
where am i from again
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
