big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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