I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
