my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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