I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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