Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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