i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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