I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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