i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
