Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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