I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
