I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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