MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
