At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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