Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
