using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
