Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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