You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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