Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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