I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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