this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just found puke in my bra..
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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