I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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