Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
