Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
