He told me they were just razor bumps!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
