Moan for me like Helen Keller
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
