We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We are two peas in an std pod
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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