They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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