You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
