Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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