I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
