I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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