Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
