i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
