So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
