im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
