you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Panties = found
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
