i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
