you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Houston, we have a blender
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
