He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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