haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
