i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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