I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
