just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
two words...techno handjob
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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