Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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