I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
