god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
