By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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