Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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