i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
