Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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