my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
