final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
