That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
