next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You are a genius and a whore.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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