i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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