Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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