You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
