Define "chronic" masturbator.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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