tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
