He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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