I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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